by Devora Krasnianski, founder of Adai Ad Institute
No marriage can ever be healthier than the emotional health of the least healthy partner.
What is emotional health? A well constructed sense of self. It means knowing yourself well and feeling good about yourself.
Marriage doesn’t make you feel better about yourself.
If someone is a negative, unhappy person before marriage, they will be a negative, unhappy person after marriage.
If you are a blamer and don’t take responsibility for your life, marriage won’t change that. And your spouse will not be happy being blamed and having to take responsibility for your choices.
If currently live your life with a victim mentality, marriage won’t change that thought process. And you might drag down your spouse with that self pity.
If you have an explosive anger problem, marriage won’t make you calmer. Your spouse will inevitably do something that will cause you to explode.
Because emotional health so dramatically influences marriage, it is so crucial to honestly assess your own degree of health. Consider:
- How established is your sense of self?
- How well do you know yourself?
- How much do you like yourself?
- Do you have any character disorder tendencies?
- Do you have an untreated addictions?
- Do you have any lingering effects from abuse?
And if you discover that you are not emotionally healthy in any way, get about the task of improving in that area. For yourself. And for your future marriage, for your future spouse, for your future children.