There are no rules in Shiduchim. Part 1

by Devora Krasnianski, founder of Adai Ad Institute

“This whole shiduchim part of my life is so frustrating and stressful, I wish there was a manual of how to navigate through it.” “Indeed, what are the protocols; wouldn’t it be great if those were written and shared with all?”

Though it may be easier to have a clear set of guidelines, there really are no rules when it comes to shiduchim. OK, there are just a few which I’ll mention soon. Every potential shiduch is unique – in so many ways that it would be difficult to state explicitly the way they should be done.

Some rules:

  • Take care of Dor Yesharim matching before even the first date. Your shadchan will probably ask both families for the information and share with both. If the shadchan doesn’t ask for it, you can offer the info to her/him.
  •  Be menchlich. Thank the shadchan for their efforts. If they have put time to helping you, some kind words or a small gift can really go a long way.
  • Be honest and forthcoming. When you don’t share all pertinent information, it just wastes the shadchan’s time when she makes suggestions to those who aren’t applicable for your single.
  • Communicate closely with the shachan while a shiduch is in process. Do not make the shadchan chase you.
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