by Devora Krasnianski, founder of Adai Ad Institute
What to do when you consistently get “it’s not shayach”? There are several things that might be happening:
- Your single might be described inaccurately and so the suggestions are off base, so they indeed are not shayach. It might be worthwhile to touch base with the shadchanim who are looking out for your single and re-describe your single. Or better yet, your single should speak to the shadchan directly so she can get a better sense of who they are.
- The references might be describing your single inaccurately. It might be worthwhile to have someone call the references and see what they are saying. You may have to change the references or update the references on the resume.
- Your single may have changed or worked on middos in the recent past, and the ‘old version of the person’ still comes up in the research. You might ask the few references to mention that. “If you call people from his past, you may hear that he is full of himself. He really worked in that area; he is a real team player and really takes in others’ perspectives.”
- There may be something in the family or about the single that others do not feel they would want in a spouse for their single. There’s nothing you can do about that. This is your single’s nisayon in life. It’s hard, but this is where emunah really comes in. Keep smiling, do not despair. The shiduch is out there.